I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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