dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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