her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
