I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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