I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
