We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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