If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
