you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
It was confusing and full of hummus
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
