Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
