i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
