Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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