HIV tests are more positive than that guy
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
