Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
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