If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
