I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
