yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
