My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
