ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
