i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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