You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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