Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
