Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
