Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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