We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
