Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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