we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Randomize
