need another drink. this is the easiest way
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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