I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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