His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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