I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
