I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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