Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
