Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
