I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
