i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
