you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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