i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize