Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
