Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
