i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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