watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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