I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
