you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
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