So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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