The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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