Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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