Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
