Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
