it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
they're like a gay fantastic four
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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