I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
