Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
