nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
