I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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