i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
