I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
