it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It was confusing and full of hummus
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
