well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
