How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The best revenge is premature balding
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
