you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
