Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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