she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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