i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
